The Effect of Divorce on Children
If you’re considering a divorce, or are already in the process of going through one, you’re probably concerned about the effect of divorce on children. Your children may be the best thing that you and your spouse ever created together. You know that this is a necessary step, but you hope that the effect of divorce on children can be minimized and made as positive as possible.
The truth is, divorce probably IS the best choice for you and your kids. If you’re going through a divorce, in some way, you are teaching your children that you value yourself (and them) enough to get out of a situation that no longer serves you. Even if you’re not aware of it, you are modeling for them every day with your words and actions. The effect of divorce on children depends upon WHAT you are modeling for them and HOW you are interacting with them.
It might seem overwhelming to be thinking about all these things in the midst of your divorce, but it doesn’t have to be overwhelming. As a parent, you are a major support for your children, but you need some support for yourself as well. Some parents get support from their friends or family, but others may find professional help better suits their needs, but that can be expensive.
There are probably helpful courses and classes available on a local level that can help you learn to reduce the effect of divorce on children, or you can sign up for an online support class. It’s not as difficult as it seems. There are a number of simple things that you can learn to say and do (as well as learn to NOT say or do!) that can create a more positive effect of divorce on children. Even learning and using just a few of these techniques will create positive effects for you and your children.
The effect of divorce on children depends upon you. If you can learn how to better support yourself and your kids, you will all come out of the divorce feeling stronger, more positive, and empowered.
Divorce Support & Divorce Recovery
There is no doubt that ending a marriage is extraordinarily difficult. It almost seems as if divorce recovery is impossible. All the emotional pain and self doubt can become overwhelming. When children are involved the situation can become even more painful but that also makes it much more important to get healthy. In order to start over, to continue to co-parent with your ex, and to find love again, it is vital that personal growth occur. This isn’t easy to do alone. Most people need to find divorce support in order to move through the emotional chaos and find a place of calm. Luckily, there are some outstanding resources to help you through this process. With the right tools divorce recovery is possible.
People often forget that a divorce is a lot like a death. It is the death of a dream, of a future, of a family and hope. Just as grief is a normal part of coping with the death of a loved one, it is a normal part of divorce recovery. All too often people become mired in heartache, anger and blame. Becoming stuck in that place makes it very hard to heal and move on with your life. It can keep you from forging a new relationship with your ex so you can become effective co-parents to your kids. Not only that, your children are also significantly impacted by divorce. They need you to guide them through this process and provide divorce support for them. You can’t do this unless you are also getting the help you need.
When you are in the middle of a painful event such as divorce, it can be overwhelming to even think about finding emotional help. After all, you are up to your ears in lawyers and separating your assets and working out parenting plans and figuring out your new life. It is easy to lose sight of your own needs. It’s a great idea to find a good therapist to work with you one on one. But you may not have the financial resources to pay for this. Luckily, there are divorce recovery resources available online. Find one that offers videos and worksheets to help you through all the different aspects necessary to heal the pain of divorce. Make sure they provide concrete ways to appropriately talk with your children about what is going on. Check out the credentials of the person or group that developed the course. Steer clear of anyone offering a quick fix. Remember that healing takes time and work and it is well worth it.
Look for divorce recovery resources that utilize proven techniques for helping people relieve stress, let go of negative emotions and return to a place of emotional well-being. You can come through this experience feeling empowered and ready to start a new life. Learn how to communicate more effectively with your children as well as your ex so that you can all move forward, if not as a family, then as a team. You’ll learn emotional freedom techniques, such as meridian tapping, that help you truly heal from the experience. The right divorce support program will ensure that you are able to meet your future with the past firmly settled.
Ending a marriage is an intense life-changing experience. It is crucial to find help with your divorce recovery. You need to heal yourself and provide divorce support for your children too. It’s all too easy to succumb to the bitterness and anger that is so prevalent in divorce. A better choice is to find help in order to go forward with a sense of peace. Find divorce recovery resources online that can really help you let go of the pain and anguish and embrace emotional health. Learn how to utilize emotional freedom techniques so that you can look to your future with an open heart.
“Ms. Lupin’s divorce recovery program is the very best thing that I have done for my children and myself since divorcing their father 6 months ago. I realized how much I did right intuitively as a parent, however there were a couple of things that were taught that needed immediate attention for the emotional stability and growth of my two children. Thank you Mimi for not sugar coating life when it comes to our children!”
“Everyone should be required to take this class before their divorce.”
Hot Springs, Arkansas
“My wife and I have been providing a parent education program for our local district court for about 18 years. During that time, we made modifications of our program based on our experiences, continuing education programs and our readings. We attended Mimi’s divorce education program, and felt that adding this additional information would compliment our approach. This program was presented in a professional, personable manner and the program fully met our needs. We highly recommend [it].”
–Charles B. Ph.D.
Suzanne B. Ph.D.
Family and Child Development Consultant
“Mimi is so informative. I have learned many helpful ways to help me with my actions in dealing with my granddaughter and her [parents]. I am going to do my best to apply all she has taught us today on my relationship with them. Thanks Mimi!”
Hot Springs, Arkansas
Letters of Reference
Robin Smith Law Firm, PA
Robin C. Smith
Attorney at Law
PO Box 1580
119 S. West Street
Mount Ida, AR 71957
(870) 867-5287 fax
May 27, 2010
To whom it may concern:
Since becoming certified as an Attorney ad litem to represent children in Arkansas courts, I have referred many, many parents to attend co-parenting classes with Mimi Lupin. Without fail the parents who attended returned better educated, better prepared parents and better able to work with, as opposed to against, the other parties for the best interest of the child or children involve. Not only do I encourage the parents of the children I represent to attend Mimi’s program, but also the parents I represent as well.
The Children in the Shadows of Divorce program is an incredible asset to our community and an invaluable resource for my practice. The program under Mimi’s direction assists parents at a time when they are lost, confused, depressed and unsure of not only how they should be parenting, but what they can to insure their child is protected, nurtured, safe and secure. I am happy to say unequivocally that children in Polk and Montgomery counties, where I practice, are better off when their parents attend the Children in the Shadows of Divorce program and I will continue to refer my clients and the parents of my child client’s.
Robin C. Smith